Are dumb products simply foolish entries in the marketplace or are they part of an more sinister plot? In the past I’ve had my doubts, but I’d like to think all these folks are well meaning if misdirected souls.

Thanks to Bike Hacks for alerting me to this week’s nominee for Dumbest Product of the Week, The Claw by Gladiator Garage Works. Gladiator Garage Works is maker of garage organizing products, kind of like the Container Store but more niche. Most of their stuff is incredibly manly with lots of steel and wood so you don’t have to feel feminine about organizing. 

For the bike owner, Gladiator Garage Works gives you the The Claw, a ceiling mounted, push button system that allows you to hang bikes by their wheels for storage. You use the wheel of the bike to push the internal button which opens and shuts the claw securing your bike. It’s not a bad idea until you realize that it costs $60 to do what a $3 hook from the hardware store does.

Aside from being a bit of a rip off, I felt an uneasiness I couldn’t quiet place looking at this product. This discomfort was heightened as I perused the  Gladiator Garage Works site and ran into Karl, a helpful Australian video promoter of GGW items who appears floating in the menu banner. Then it hit me. This was no normal silly product, but something more insidious. I realized The Claw is in fact a reproduction of the appendage belonging to Inspector Gadget’s nemesis, Dr. Claw.

Where did the design for 'The Claw' come from, I wonder

Now things were coming together. Gladiator Garage Works was actually a front for Dr. Claw and his evil M.A.D. criminal syndicate, using the dollars of unsuspecting cyclists and homophobic garage interior decorators to take over the world. I now fear for friendly Karl who is in no doubt seen without any identifying surroundings because he is being held prisoner by Dr. Claw’s henchmen.

Is Garage Gladiator Karl at the mercy of Dr. Claw's henchmen?

I encourage everyone to bring M.A.D. to its knees by avoiding the purchase and use dumb products everywhere until a hero surfaces to save us from this madness. Karl is counting on us.

Enjoy your weekend, and get out and ride your bike.

Read the previous week’s Dumbest Product of the Week.

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